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In other words, the submissive holds the power, or at least as much power as their dominant partner. And yet, many straight men and women still balk at the idea of male submission. Long-held patriarchal stereotypes — bolstered in recent years by the 50 Shades of Grey franchise — hold that men typically assume a dominant role in bed, as in life, while women naturally trend submissive. But while many individuals may consider their dominant or submissive roles an integral part of their identity, dominance and submission, like sexuality itself, exist on a broad and fluid spectrum, one people of all genders should feel free to explore in the bedroom without having to worry about what any single act might say about them.
Submissive boys men in the Reddit thread Goldwert stumbled upon, for example, may not have all necessarily wanted to become full-time subs. Many of them were simply interested in shuffling around the power dynamics in their bedrooms from time to time. They want to be sensitive and tender, or they want the woman to just get in there and take control.
They have cuckold fantasies, and they want to be spanked or they want to be forced to have sex in public. They want to be publicly humiliated, or they want to be overwhelmed by a woman or tied up. The first step in combating this harmful double standard, as many of the pro dommes Goldwert interviewed told her, is to stop obsessing over labels. Just explore things and play with power dynamics. I want to be the one that rocks her world.
Being the one who gives it is no small feat. To me, that was so much more masculine and stronger. Just go with your feelings and go with your desire. Life is too short — and, apparently, too vulnerable to the dire consequences of pandemics — not to have exactly the kind of consensual sex you want to have.
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Submission doesn't always have to be about whips and chains though it certainly can be.
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